Who are we, and why are we here? Two of the great questions in the life of any individual, and ones that sometimes go unanswered for years, even decades. For some, the struggle to find and embrace their own unique identity takes the entirety of their lives and is often unfinished business at the end of all things.
Not knowing who we are as a person, where we have come from, what makes us special as individuals is an existential crisis that often hits those of a sensitive temperament, a thoughtful predisposition and a creative heart the hardest.
For singer/songwriter Amanda Rheaume, her latest single, The Skin I’m In, bears witness to her own journey; her own sometimes tortuous existential search, as she opens her heart to those who still struggle, by writing and singing about her own evolution and resolution to these huge life-enriching investigations and ruminations.
It was only a few years ago that Rheaume began to embrace her authentic Metis and Indigenous family history, which she shared with the world on her evocative 2013 album, Keep A Fire. But the layers of one’s identity go beyond familial genealogy, as she realized that there wouldn’t always be people who were of a positive disposition towards her trumpeting this aspect of her identity, since she didn’t ‘look’ or act ‘native. Another level of complexity comes with the fact that Rheaume is gay, and even in these allegedly more enlightened times, she also has to deal with the fact that in the eyes of some, she does not fit the ‘look’ or perception of a gay woman.
As an artist who uses music as way of sending a message, more so than as an act of therapeutic catharsis, Rheaume’s new song, and the album for which it is named, The Skin I’m In, is a song of encouragement, of inspiration and of validation, not only for where she is at in her own journey of self-actualization, but also for those who are still struggling with those large, all-encompassing questions of self and identity. The album itself will be released on Feb. 15.
The single is a masterstroke of composition, at once being soul-searingly sincere, but also with a melody and musicality that is equally as infectious.
“On the record, there is a lot to do with identity and becoming more comfortable with myself and who I am, and that process hasn’t always been an easy journey. I really began to dig into being a Metis and became a citizen of the Metis Nation of Ontario when I was 20 or so, because it wasn’t a thing that I grew up with at all. And I am obviously very white presenting, with fair hair, fair eyes – I don’t look indigenous. I was very privileged as a kid, and I didn’t experience anything to do with racial discrimination or racism in that way. And I want to make that clear, because I don’t want to pretend, or I don’t want people to think I am pretending to have lived a life that I didn’t.” said Rheaume, a native of Barrhaven, just outside Ottawa, who moved to Toronto a couple of years ago.
“But because of connecting with my Metis and my Anishinaabe heritage, when I started touring across Canada in 2010, I had all this family across the country. I would stop in Winnipeg and meet more family and learn more stories. I would be in all these places and I was related to these people, but I would barely know them, so they would bring out pictures and tell me all these stories. In driving across Canada on tour for so many years, I learned more about myself than I did in my entire childhood. And so, it really was a step-by-step process coming into my own identity. And the process has been difficult because I am of mixed heritage but also not fitting into the stereotypes that people understand of particular things, like being Native, or being gay.
“Not everybody would look at me and think that I was a lesbian. I feel like I have been in between a lot of these stereotypes and not belonging to any of these identities. I think it’s taken me a lot longer because I haven’t been, like, loud and proud about one thing. It’s taken time to be comfortable with all parts of my identity. And, honestly, your identity is something where you can have you’re core pieces, but we are changing, and I think that it’s okay to figure things out, and it’s okay to take time and it’s okay to say I don’t know everything about this, but I am on this path of exploration and I am not pretending to be something I am not.”
The video that accompanies the song, which was released on Jan. 11, echoes the sentiments Rheaume has been discussing as it sees her being buffeted and surrounded by swirling dancers, and she tries to connect with and reassure a young girl, portraying Rheaume’s younger guise.
“It’s saying be kind and gentle to yourself as if you were your own little kid self. This was, like, years of therapy in the making. I just think we’re not taught this stuff as kids. It’s not really discussed or wasn’t for me. I really didn’t have a very strong sense of self. I was an athlete, but I didn’t have a cultural or a spiritual or religious context or anything like that that was super grounding. I had a family and that was awesome, but I didn’t have this other identity thing to latch onto, that was really rooted. And to be honest I feel excited that I now have that,” she said.
“And over this last year, I have had my own challenges with people questioning my identity and blah, blah, blah. And it’s been a gift because it’s forced me to go even harder into research and sitting with who I am and really feeling that and hence this song, The Skin I’m In, I am saying, ‘yeah, I feel good and I finally feel that I have come into my own on so many different levels.’ And I want to encourage people to embrace themselves in that way, and to try to love themselves a little more.
“They can be the sum of whatever you are, which took me a while to come to grips with because I have often felt that I am not indigenous enough, I’m not white enough, I am not gay enough, I am not feminine enough – I have felt that way often. Because, again, I don’t look or act in one particularly stereotypical way of an identity that people can relate to. I don’t necessarily look a way that makes other people comfortable about who I say that I am; it doesn’t confirm it for them when I just say it. Having an identity doesn’t mean just looking one way. Being Indigenous doesn’t mean looking just one way, being gay doesn’t mean just looking one way, being a woman doesn’t mean looking just one way. And so, I also think this song is for people that are living sort of in between all these norms and stereotypes, be it gender, be it culture and society, be it mental health, or a typical body, or whatever.”
Rheaume released her first EP in 2003 while in her early 20s. She has since released four full length albums: Acoustic Christmas in 2009, Light of Another Day in 2011, the aforementioned Keep A Fire in 2013 and Holding Patterns in 2016. As a touring artist, she has criss-crossed Canada multiple times, and also has toured regularly throughout the U.S., U.K and Europe. She has had the opportunities to open for the likes of Emmylou Harris, Lucinda Williams, K’Naan and Ani Difranco as well as using her time and talents to perform for Canadian military personnel both at home and in Afghanistan, as well as raising money for breast cancer causes and the Boys and Girls Clubs of Ottawa.
Early in her writing and recording career, music was indeed more of a vehicle to process her emotions and experiences. Lately, as she has matured as an artist and a human being, she believes the music she creates needs to have a more significant mandate other than as a form of self-examination or simply to entertain.
“Now, I feel I have a responsibility to say something when I step on stage. I feel that the people in the audience are here, so what am I saying to them. Music can be just fun, but I feel like ever since I started doing a particular kind of gig, like travelling to Afghanistan and singing in front of thousands of men and women who are in the desert for months at a time away from their families, what am I saying? Am I going to sing a song about something negative or super introspective? That’s kind of stupid,” she said.
“I started to realize that the words that leave my mouth and when they hit people in the ears, they take it in, or they don’t, but it’s still putting something out there. I just feel like it’s more of a tool and a vehicle for a message and the message can be anything, but I feel the whole ‘dear diary’ songs are less common for me now.”
Rheaume’s music is imbued with an Americana, rootsy vibe that gives it an old-school country sensibility, which combined with her passionate, sometimes gritty and heartfelt delivery makes for a listening experience that transcends genre and has an appeal to a broad ranger of listener – particularly those who want a little meat on their lyrical bones, and depth in both the words and music. The Skin I’m In, is all that and more, and is a suitable teaser for what is to come with the release of the full album on Feb. 15.
The single was co-written with country star Jason Blaine, while other co-writers on the forthcoming album include Jim Bryson, Tim Bovaconti and long-time pal Melanie Brulee. The album was recorded primarily at the Bathouse, the Tragically Hip’s studio just outside Kingston, and produced by Blue Rodeo’s Colin Cripps. Two of the more recent songs were recorded at Union Sound in Toronto.
“With songwriting, I have a long list of ideas and so it usually starts with an idea. And then I will separately make up little things on the guitar and record them and make notes. Then when I sit down to write, whether it be alone or with someone else, I will go through my big list of ideas and marry things up in a way that makes sense,” she said.
“And I am finding I am writing a little more in that country direction. I don’t think I will ever be hardcore country, but I do think a lot of these co-writes and the things that I love most are being done by artists like Lucinda Williams, Emmylou Harris – they kind of straddle the line between genres and it’s where I feel the best, and it’s the music that I love.”
Upon the release of the album on Feb. 15, Rheaume will embark on a short tour of Ontario. After some showcases at the Folk Alliance International even in Montreal on Feb. 15, she will play the NAC Fourth Stage in Ottawa on Feb. 16, the Cadillac Lounge in Ottawa on Feb. 21, The Mansion in Kingston on Feb. 23, the Gilmour Street Music Hall (house concert) in Peterborough on March 1 and the Lavigne Tavern in Lavigne, Ontario on March 9. She will then head to Europe for shows through the end of April.
For more information on the single or album The Skin I’m In, upcoming tour dates and other news, visit http://www.amandarheaume.com.
- Jim Barber is a veteran award-winning journalist and author based in Napanee, ON, who has been writing about music and musicians for a quarter of a century. Besides his journalistic endeavours, he now works as a communications and marketing specialist. Contact him at jimbarberwritingservices@gmail.com.
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