There was a time a few years back when, even though she had already released an EP of original music, and toured pretty extensively, Toronto native and now Montreal-based singer/songwriter Emily Rockarts still harboured some nagging, niggling existential doubts as to whether she was meant to be an artist – even when there was a mountain of evidence in the guise of her exceptionally potent compositions and ethereally compelling voice.
A stint at the renown Banff Centre for the Arts as part of a songwriters’ residency in 2018 seemed to embolden Rockarts and give her the confidence and the push she needed to fully embrace her gifts. The result of her labours at this special creative facility, and in subsequent soul-searching songwriting sessions, is her debut full length album, Little Flower, which will be released independently on April 24.
“I had a few songs already written before going to Banff, and then from going there it was a really inspiring period of time for me. I wrote six more songs while I was there, three of which are on the album. And then I kept writing after I came home. It was after that experience where I realized that I had enough material to make the record. So, I guess it’s been almost two years in the making,” said Rockarts from her home in Montreal, where she is self-isolating during the Covid-19 pandemic.
“It’s just so conducive to making art out there. They take away all of the regular, busy life things that you have to worry about, like going to get groceries, or doing the dishes from those groceries – all of those little tasks that break up your day and take time, they are removed from you. It gives you more space in your brain to think about songs. The program was also interesting and inspirational because it was great to be in a group of songwriters coming from different writing styles and backgrounds. It was great to have that community of people that is working on the same thing as you, but that are coming from different perspectives. I met so many brilliant and talented people there that I still talk to now, and I still ask their help on songs. There has been this wonderful exchange between us and sense of community. And that’s all on top of Banff being such a beautiful setting.”
The darkly sweet title track is a compositional and lyrical masterwork of subtlety and sincerity, which uses the metaphor of a plucky little flower to mirror the journey Rockarts has taken as an artist.
“If there is a common theme on the album, it’s based on the single, Little Flower. Since it’s my debut record, it’s kind of a statement where I am saying, okay I guess I finally feel like a musician for the first time in my life. It’s a career that is always filled with self doubt and a roller coaster of emotions, so I am asking, ‘am I good enough to do this? Is this a silly choice to be pursuing this with my life?’ I think Little Flower is about being comfortable with who you are,” she said.
“So, if you’re a wallflower, if you’re a quiet person, which are things that can sometimes be viewed as negative, if that’s just who you are, there’s nothing negative about that. It’s saying be who you are and embrace that. With me, it’s saying, ‘I am a musician, I really feel like a musician now, and these are the songs that I made where I feel scared about going for a goal,’ but maybe somebody else feels scared about going for a goal. I guess it’s the concept of feeling confident in yourself.”
One of the most powerful tracks, and one that was justifiably released as an early single to preview the album, is the beautifully composed Stay, which deftly bridges the gap between melancholic sadness and resolved resignation at the end of a relationship.
“It’s a breakup song, but it’s not a sad or angry break up song. It’s more of, I guess, the feeling of annoyance where a relationship has ended and both parties knew it was for the best, but you’re still sad that it didn’t work out, even though you know it wasn’t the right thing for either of you. That’s what I was trying to articulate – just how complicated it can be at the end, and how it’s rarely a clean break,” she said.
Right Now is Rockarts talking herself through the tribulations and complexities and stresses of everyday life in this topsy turvey, 21st century existence.
“I am typically an anxious person and I get caught up so easily in all of the things that need to happen or that I should be doing. I wrote it as a reminder to myself that it will all get done eventually so try not to worry about it so much. Especially now, when I think of the things that I do worry about it’s like, ‘we’ve got bigger fish to fry in the world right now.’ So, I try to be okay with the little things and take that energy and put it into something constructive and realize you can be a positive force in the world. It’s basically saying, live in the moment,” she said.
“There’s a quote from [Peanuts creator] Charles M. Schulz that says, ‘Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today, it’s already tomorrow in Australia.’ And that’s, again, what I am trying to say in the song, and to myself. The sun will come up again.”
Stranger is an exceptionally revelatory track that, narratively, follows the story of a woman who stands up to the unwanted and unwarranted harassment she is enduring from a person she does not know. It also reflects back on the overall theme of growing in self-awareness, self-assuredness as a human and as an artist that was so eloquently elucidated in the title track.
“I had an encounter on the subway where somebody just started to harass me. And I went back at them and said, ‘you actually just said that to me? That’s not cool. Who do you think you are? I don’t know you, why do you think it’s okay to say that to me? I am literally a stranger. You don’t know me from a hole in the wall,’” Rockarts related.
“And I guess it’s the same with my getting confident in saying that I am a songwriter and I have this ability to write down my emotions and speak back in this way, where it’s like, ‘no, I am going to say that what you did was wrong’ and here’s this song where I am sure that lots of other people have had encounter where you could say something back, but you couldn’t, or you didn’t. And in that same way, I am taking up space in my own little sonic bubble of songwriting where I am saying, ‘no, this is how I am feeling and I am going to write about it, and my feelings are valid.’ And maybe someone else also shares those feelings.
“I definitely wrote it from the perspective of people having to deal with harassment and shitty people. It was very cathartic to write and it always feels very emotional at shows, just because I know so many of my friends have gone through this, and that in every audience, there’s always a number of people who are like, ‘yes, of course, this just happened to me last week.’ It’s such a common occurrence that it does really resonate with people,” Rockarts said, adding that the concept is about not being afraid to ‘take up space,’ in life, in the world, in a career, or on a subway. I tried to make it very loud and kind of in-your-face. Like the concept that I have the right to ‘take up space’ I am saying, ‘you’re going to listen to me. I have something to say and you’re going to hear it.’ It’s definitely the loudest song on the record.”
If Stranger is the loudest song in tone, and tenor, the track that perhaps conveys the most emotion, is arguably the quietest and effectively prepossessing – Golden Hour. It is a song that looks at relationship, but from the point of view of a person living with Alzheimer’s Disease or a similar form of dementia.
“I have had family members that had to deal with Alzheimer’s and dementia and it’s such a horrible disease, and it’s a very sad subject. That was the last song I wrote for the record and it just kind of came out in two days and it was done. It’s such a sad thing for the people that are left behind,” Rockarts said softly.
“In this case, it’s talking about a relationship where somebody is forgetting the relationship and forgetting the person that they love. The lyric says, ‘at the golden hour, when the sun has set, the light grows softer, and I won’t forget.’ It’s the moment of purity where there is so much love and joy and happiness in this relationship that is slowly fading away. It represents the golden hour of the day when the sun is so beautiful and then the sun is gone over the horizon.”
As with pretty much every musician and artist of every genre, Rockarts is housebound and cannot tour, due to the ongoing Covid-19 pandemic, which puts a tiny bit of a damper on the release of Little Flower, set for April 24.
“My album release tour is going to be rescheduled for the fall. With all of this staying home and trying to keep busy and keep my spirits up, I guess I have the silver lining of the album actually coming out. And I am also thankful that everybody around me is healthy and safe and I can be thankful for all the people who are doing a good job on the front lines of this crisis and putting themselves in positions of risk. So, yeah, if the worst thing in my life is that I have to reschedule a tour, then things aren’t too bad,” she said, adding that she has plans to do some live streams down the road.
For information about these activities, about Little Flower and the rescheduled tour dates, visit Emily Rockarts on social media, or https://emilyrockarts.com.
- Jim Barber is a veteran award-winning journalist and author based in Napanee, ON, who has been writing about music and musicians for 30 years. Besides his journalistic endeavours, he now works as a communications and marketing specialist. Contact him at jimbarberwritingservices@gmail.com.
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